On the other hand, my symptoms made an unwelcome visit the other day and I spent Thursday and Friday out of commission and on the couch with nausea and fatigue. Fuck you very much, first trimester symptoms, we are in the SECOND trimester now. You may GO HOME.
Mostly though, I've felt more energetic. I've been getting work done. I've had enough energy to walk the dog and STILL DO OTHER THINGS!
There was a long portion of the first trimester where I just felt completely wiped. I felt as though I had zero creative ability left, as though getting off the couch and walking the dog were the most challenging thing I was capable of. And thank goodness for my dog. Without Artemis I think I would resemble an over large slug at this point. It was the feelings of guilt at not walking her that got me moving every day, and once I was out in the fresh air it was (usually) easy enough to decide to take her for a few miles of walking instead of just laying on the couch. Of course, once I got home I felt like I couldn't do anything else, but those walks were as good for me and Speck as they were for her.
Oh yeah. I call this thing in my abdomen Speck. I have since the first week, when it was literally no larger than a speck. I like it as a nickname. Hubby is less sold on the idea, but I managed to get him on board by offering up nicknames I knew he would hate. When he said he did't like Speck I said, "Well alright then, how about Wyvern? It looks like a baby dragon at this stage anyway." He did not like Wyvern. I called it Wyvern for all of a day and he decided he liked Speck just fine. Teehee. I'm not evil, I'm just pregnant.
I feel like there are so many things I've missed in catching this blog up to speed. I'm creating all of these entries this on the same day to start the blog off at Week 15. There are little details that I'm leaving out because of this, and I feel that they're important.
For example, I've questioned this decision so many times in the past 15 weeks I've lost count. Really? Was this a good idea? REALLY? Especially when I've felt sick.... but sometimes just when I've heard babies crying nearby. Our lives are going to be sooooo different if this works out.
Also, genetic testing. That's a thing that you can do. A thing to worry about. A thing that's scary and reassuring all at once. We're in the middle of that right now. I'm going for more bloodwork tomorrow. All just pre-emptive. Nothing has suggested we need it except for one tiny piece of family history. Everything should be fine.
And now it's time to start thinking about birth and how we want to do that. I wanted a midwife but couldn't get one because Manitoba has nowhere near enough to meet demand. That's a bummer, and now I have to seek out other options. Not a big deal (and we're super lucky to even have options) but one more thing to research, one more thing to decide.
Really? This seemed like a good idea? Really?
Oh the second guessing. Things feel more real now, now that everyone knows. The imposter syndrome is fading, but it flares up occasionally. Other women look more pregnant than I do. Other women have more symptoms than I do. I can't really be pregnant because I just went backpacking and felt fine even though it was the desert and it was hot out and I haven't backpacked in months...
Then we hear the heartbeat on Friday. The last day of week 15 and we got to hear the heartbeat, both me and hubby, with the doppler stethoscope and it was real. It wasn't my heartbeat, mine is slow. This was fast. 136bpm. Not that fast for a fetus, but damned fast compared to an adult. Speck has a heartbeat. Speck is no longer a speck. Speck is alive and well and having a hearbeat.
NOW I FEEL PREGNANT.
But I'm still not convinced that I look it... (And yeah I totally posted pictures of me in a bra on the internet. I mean... I'm pregnant and that bra covers more than most bathing suits so... meh. The fucks I give are zero.) ;-)
**This is the first post in this blog written in real time. All subsequent weeks (16 and onwards) will be written as they occur. All the ones preceding this were written from memory to the best of my ability. If you think I've missed something, or have any questions, or just want to chime in and say "ME TOO!" or "YOU'RE CRAZY" please comment! Thanks for joining me on this crazy ride. Come back for more at the end of week 16!**