Week 11

The funny thing is, this all still feels completely made up to me. We're a week away from telling people now, and I still don't really believe that I'm pregnant. Which is funny because I've had my share of symptoms (including my lowered immune system leading me to catch THREE colds in TWO MONTHS--WTF body? Are you TRYING to kill me? Two of those colds were overlapped with nausea and fatigue. Fuck YOU, universe!). Ahem... right, but as I was saying despite all of that, this still feels like it's all in my head. In the meantime, we're planning on telling our families that we're pregnant next week.

And to top it off, my nausea and fatigue are going away so I just don't feel pregnant anymore.

In an odd twist of fate I got a UTI this week (because apparently being pregnant means that if you even seriously consider having sex you will get a UTI, let alone actually sealing the deal...) and as a result got to confirm that I was still pregnant via the joys of needing urine analysis. Now I'm on antibiotics and... get this... this is the punchline...

THEY'RE MAKING ME NAUSEOUS, FATIGUED, AND GIVING ME HEADACHES!

That's apparently what I get for a. having a libido, b. actually having the gall to do anything with said libido and c. thinking I might be getting away from my first trimester symptoms.

Silly Virginia...

I was feeling too lousy to take off my sweatshirt. Sorry. Do I look pregnant yet?

Week 10

The nausea has started taking a back seat. It rears up periodically, but it doesn't stick around all day. The fatigue is still pretty all encompassing though. I'm still having days where I need a nap right after breakfast. But this week is still full of distractions. Lots of music to watch and play, lots of good times to be had. Sushi to be eaten. Yes, you read that right.

Consult your doctor if you're worried about it ladies, but I have continued to eat raw fish (I'm avoiding tuna both cooked and uncooked due to mercury, but I'm eating as much raw salmon as I can shove down my throat). I have read that if it's flash frozen first it's unlikely to confer the nastier bacteria that we're trying to avoid. So I'm all in. Because I love sushi.

You can take my alcohol, but you can never take MY SUSHI!

And here's the 10 week bump pic.

Week 9

Enter the glorious distraction of watching the husband play music all week with a great band and housing some guests. Also, one or two days without nausea manage to sneak in there, much to my excitement.

This is a pretty good week because it's full of distractions and it turns out that's just what I need.

Terribly blurry picture but all that I've got from that first Festival du Voyageur performance.

Still, the awkward not telling people stage is seeming extra weird as I'm worried that I'll puke on my houseguest and tip her off to my condition that way...

No bump picture this week as we thought that would be a bit of an obvious giveaway with people visiting.

Here's a nice winter scene instead.

Week 8

The week in which I ate an entire large Domino's pizza by myself... in a single sitting.

So, nausea is a funny thing. It makes me not wish to eat, although being hungry makes it far worse. Eating is fine while it's happening, but as soon as I'm done I feel even more nauseous than I was from hunger. It's a no-win situation. But food is still quite necessary. There is, after all, a baby in there somewhere. (At least, I think there is. I've had no confirmation of that outside of peeing on a stick a few weeks ago, and then the blood work I got back this week, but really the baby is purely academic at this point. It's Shroedinger's baby. It is both there and not there until it you open the uterus and look inside. The uterus is closed to me and will not be breached with a doppler or ultrasound until much later so the baby is... just an idea. An idea that's making me completely miserable most days with nausea and fatigue, but an idea nonetheless.) Where was I? Right, the baby, real or imagined, needs food.

So it is, that one day, I am barely able to eat some breakfast. As the day wears on I find myself unable to eat much at all thanks to my new pal, all day nausea, and by the time dinner rolls around I have eaten nothing. Hubby is off doing things like a functional human being. He went to work, then went to aikido and stuff... I am curled into a ball of discomfort and loathing.

But I need food. Yes, food is important. What sounds good? Nothing really... except. Maybe pizza. I don't have energy to make pizza... maybe delivery? Sure. Delivery.

I order a large domino's pizza. It arrives.

I was so hungry that I couldn't stop myself from eating a slice before I took this picture. BEHOLD! Something I could eat.

Ten minutes later.

I did manage to save that last piece for lunch the next day. Barely...

Honestly, I think you can see the pizza in the week 8 bump picture we took. 

Week 7

Oh nausea... there you are...

Well, it's a bit early, but not statistically outlying early, just on the early side of the normal range. Nausea. Lots of it. Lasting all day, and into the night.

But no vomiting. So that's sort of a plus...

Sort of.

It's all relative, and some women have it wayyyyy worse that I do. I know that.

But that doesn't make feeling nauseous and exhausted all day feel any better. Head gets it, head feels very badly for those women who have it worse than we do. Body says, "Fuck off head. You can take your logic and shove it somewhere uncomfortable. We're too busy feeling like a giant pile of three week old cow shit to care about your logic. Pass me the ginger ale and saltines before I throw up on your face."

Body wins (in a completely shitty, non-victorious fashion) for the foreseeable future.

And the bump is still non-existent despite all the nausea and gas... so much freaking gas...

Week 6

Holy exhaustion batman! What the hell happened to my energy? I just got up, ate breakfast, and took a fucking nap, because I had no choice. What is wrong with me?

Oh right, I'm creating another human from scratch. Guess that takes a lot out of a person...

So, yeah. This part is hard. Luckily I'm not feeling nauseous yet, but damn this fatigue is all consuming I don't feel like I can do much. Writing is a struggle. Thinking is a struggle. Doing much beyond reading, eating, and sleeping is a struggle.

And my boobs are still sore.

And I still feel crampy!! WTF body? I thought the benefit of not getting one's period for nine months was not getting cramps. I want my money back.

Week 6 bump pic. Pretty much the same as last week but maybe slightly more gassy. Oy vey!

Week 5

HOLY SHIT THAT LINE IS DARK!

That's right, I waited so long to test that my test line was darker than my control line. 

Many women these days test so early that their pregnancy lines are just faint traces and they post them on pregnancy forums to get a second opinion as to whether or not there's a line there at all. I've seen many of these posts, so I was pretty surprised by how dark this line was. This line was not messing around. That was a blazing YOU'RE PREGNANT! I'd waited until 17 dpo just to be sure and the result was that there was no questioning that positive. Crazy town. We'd gotten it on our first try...

Now what?

Ha! Excellent question. Luckily with the internet these days, there's lots of information to go around. Just to be sure though, I scheduled an appointment with my family doctor. The folks at her office were awesome and scheduled me right away. I took the test on the Monday and was seen on the Friday of that same week. My doc gave me requisitions for a bunch of blood work and we were off.

None of this feels real at all yet. So I peed on a stick and it claimed I was pregnant? So what? Anything could still go wrong. One in five pregnancies end in early miscarriage. There's a 20% chance it could all go away. And it's not like you can tell anyone yet... 

Actually YOU can tell anyone you want to. And you should. I really feel like we should be more matter of fact about miscarriage and how frequently it happens. But in those first weeks I felt like I was making it all up and I didn't want to tell anyone yet. It felt... fake. I told one person aside from my husband. 

But I did take my first bump photo, even though I didn't have a bump. It was a point of reference. And I knew that if this pregnancy worked out I would want to document how my body was changing. So, I unabashedly share it with you here:

5 weeks pregnant in this picture which means it's the end of week 5 start of week 6. I basically look exactly the same as I usually do, but with a bit of bloating from gas. Oh yeah, I admitted that on the internet. What of it?